What is autism? Is it a long list of behaviors, or is it more? Experts looked at my outside deficits—eye contact impairment, hand flapping and social delay–and concluded that my inside was equally impaired. They assumed I did not understand language, recognize my parents or have a thought more advanced than a toddler's. They supposed my brain could be molded in increments by drilling me on names and basic nouns, or by telling me to